How to Help Your Kids Let Things Go
Every child is different, as is their motivation
At the time they were 6 and 7, and their choices surprised me. My son, usually a saver, selected many of his favorite books to give away so his cousins could enjoy them. Knowing who was getting the books really helped him let go of them. My daughter, who is all about growing up as soon as possible (!), had sentimental attachment to her books and hesitated to part with many of them. The idea of making room for new, more advanced books helped her let go of the books which were not her favorites. Those, her sentimental favorites, she moved into her own room.
I’m glad my kids get the opportunity to practice the art of letting things go. I like the message it sends: We have enough. It’s also a very important step when you want to organize toys.
How about you? Do your kids get to practice letting go of things?
Here are some thoughts on getting started.
Children over 7
Whenever possible, try to let older kids make decisions about their own stuff. For most children, their belongings are some of the very few things they have (some) control over. That feeling of control, and learning to be responsible with it, is very important.
Teach them the one-in-one-out rule. For every new toy, book, or item of clothing they get, one gets donated.
Make it easy. Have a family donate basket,bin, or drawer where they can put things at any time. In the same way you teach kids to throw away trash into a trash can, there should be a way for them to move things which they are done with out of their space when they are ready.
When a dresser, closet or bookshelf gets full, work with them to decide which things that they no longer want or use. Then specifically show them how with fewer items in the way, they can more easily find what they need.
Tackling an entire closet can feel overwhelming for a child who hasn’t organized a big space before. Resist the urge to do it yourself. Talk through the process the first few times. They will be able to do it on their own soon enough. Set a timer and don’t go past how long your child can stay tuned in. Take a break and come back to it after a 10-minute break running around or singing.
Are you helping?
And finally, practice what you preach. Not only is it a good habit to thin out your own belongings, it’s important to let your kids see you doing it. Tell them why you are getting rid of the bag your cousin gave you. Not because you don’t love your cousin or the bag, but because you used it and are ready for a new one. Or because it’s ripped beyond repair. Or because you know someone else will love it more than you do.
Side note regarding gifts from others: Guilt attached to letting go of gifts is an adult-specific phenomenon. Kids inherently do not care where things are from! They only care if they like it or use it. So resist the urge to saddle them with your learned guilt about letting go of presents they’ve received.
I see a lot of parents struggle with helping their kids let go. Do you cave and let them keep everything because that’s easier in the moment? Maybe you get a mental image of how much you paid for something that didn’t get used. This can impair your good judgment about the item. Or you may have a hard time admitting to yourself that your children are growing up (so fast!. Letting go of toys and baby clothes can stir up a lot of emotions. Still, being able to let go is a life skill that will serve your babies well. Not to mention save them from a lifetime of living in clutter!
How do you feel about letting go of things? Where did you learn those emotional responses? With your own kids try to focus on their honest responses, and not what they end up saying because it’s what you want to hear. (harsh! I know.)
Listen to this fabulous podcast about not passing on shame and embarrassment about stuff to your kids.
